So my two year and two month relationship is finally over as of last night. Now the greiving process begins and I try to move on. I lost two previous girlfriends due to suicide. I will be put back on anti-depressants next week hopefully. I hate myself because I know throughout the rest of my life I will compare every girl to her. She was the one I wanted to marry. The one I wanted to have kids with.
She knew everything there was to know about me. We liked all the same video games, movies, books, music, everything. We were going to move in with each other on Christmas. Start our life together. And now I feel like mine ended abruptly. The worst part of it all is she doesn't care about me anymore. Hasn't for a long time. It just took me a while to realize it.
She had aspergers, which made her a very cold person, especially when she didn't take her medicine. I believe in my heart of hearts that most of the mean and hurtful things she said and did to me stem from that. She hasn't been on her medicine for a year now, and it's noticable. The reason she gave me for leaving is that we both changed. But I didn't. She changed enough for the both of us.
I can't promise anything but I'll try to stop writing about this whole thing. I know it's not healthy to linger on the past.
Jess if you ever read this, know that I still love you. I always will.