Odd...Dream?

So lately I've been having this reoccuring thought...almost like a dream but I'm awake when it happens.

Basically, I'll be standing around doing nothing special. Thinking mostly. All the sudden it's like my vision gets blurry and I lose focus on what's going on. Apparently my mom has to practically yell at me to get my attention when it happens. I just kind of stare off into space for a few seconds sometimes a minute or so. It almost feels like...I don't really know how to describe it. Like a memory? Like something from a past life or something crazy, I don't know.

Anyways, I'm always walking through these woods, it's usually dark but there have been a few times where it was so bright. So I'll be walking through these weird woods, and I notice this...Door? Like a storm cellar, or a bunker entrance or something. The closer I get to this door or hatch or whatever it is, the more painful it becomes to get closer towards it. I feel like I'm getting tired. Like the energy or motivation is just being pulled right out of me.

Now I know this is probably just a daydream or a full blown dream, but I am honest to god SCARED to open this door. I snap out of this little phase and I feel a tightening in my stomach. Like it's twisting in knots.

What is this? Is there a name for this type of thing? Should I check myself into some looney bin? It feels like I've been there before, but it scares me to the point where I close myself off after it happens. What should I do about it?

No longer jobless!

Well gadies and lentlemen, I got the job!

It's not a fancy position and the pay isn't amazing, but it is my first job and it looks like it's going to be a lot of fun. I start work next week! The best part is, the girl I'll be working with is 19, single, and oh so lovely. Now if that doesn't get my mind of my ex then there is something wrong with me. :)

Thank you all so much for reading, and take care!

Quickie

I have two quick things to say!

1. 350 Followers! Woot!

2. It's getting easier to push past the depression, and I'm done trying to get in contact with her!

Yay me!

You guys have a great night, and take care. :)

Hello

Hey everyone just wanted to pop in real quick and say happy Halloween!

Sadly I don't have any plans this year, but I hope you guys have a lot of fun! Tell me in the comments what you plan on doing for Halloween!

Doctor visit and Job

So I went to my doctor earlier today about my depression as of late. He diagnosed it as "severe situational depression" basically meaning in a few months it should go away on it's own. But in the meantime he put me on some low dosage anti-depressants to help me deal with the pain I've been feeling, and gave me a sleeping agent to help me get to bed.


I'm trying my best to work through this. Honestly at this point I'd take an open apology from her and be done with it. I wanted her to give me a second chance, now I'd settle for just an apology for the way she hurt me.

Anyways, I did get the job, I should probably start next week. Although because of all this I just can't feel excited about it, which is what is making me angry.

Thanks for reading guys, this sleeping pill is kicking in so I'll see you all later. Take care.

Relapse

Hello people. Lately I have been making pretty good progress moving on or at least occupying my time so I don't think about her all day. Well last night and this morning that progress was set back about a week. I had a very unfortunate dream last night, and when I woke up this morning I could just tell it was going to be a bad day. I see my doctor today at 2:15 to see about sleeping pills and anti-depressants. I start seeing a therapist next month I believe. I honestly don't know what to do with myself anymore.

I can't play the games we used to for fear that it would bring back memories and just hurt me more. I can't watch the shows we used to watch for the same reason. I find myself occupying my time by hanging out with my few remaining friends and my family. The part that will still have anything to do with me anyways. I gave up my life to be with this girl. If I wouldn't have we wouldn't have made it two years. And yes I'm thankful for those two years every day. But I'm also saddened by the fact they were thrown away in an instant. I don't know what to do. I've been taking your advice in the comments and trying to play games and watch shows and hang out with friends. I've tried everything in every comment that seemed reasonable and logical, and still nothing. I never want to forget about her, I just need a solid way to either move on, or convince her what she did was hurtful and she should at LEAST, at the very fucking least, apologize to me for what she did and said to me.

I know I'm asking for the impossible with this one guys. I just don't know who else to turn to.

Facebook?

For years now I have been the epitome of the hate for Facebook. If you want to talk to someone, call them. Or even text them. But I guess it's time I caved into it. So I finally made one, and so far it's not TOO bad. Although half the people who added me I either have never seen in my life or it's some long lost family twice removed from my great step-uncles side.

As you can probably already guess I've never been the most social of people, usually just stayed at home and hung out with my family and a few friends. But that's a thing of the past. I'm not going to sit around all day moping about some chick who couldn't give a rats ass about me, so why should I care about her?

This is how I've decided to move on, make a Facebook! Haha, got to love the internet. Who knows, I might make a few good friends, maybe even meet a girl in my area. My second interview is also today at 6pm so today (so far) seems like a good day! I'll let you guys know later how the interview went, and whether or not I got the job!

Thanks everyone, take care.